


Currents

by Caollaidhe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, WARNINGS:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 07:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12700170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caollaidhe/pseuds/Caollaidhe
Summary: ...for once what he felt and what the outside world reflected were in perfect harmony.





	Currents

**Author's Note:**

> Please note the warnings.
> 
> I was having some really horrible suicidal thoughts so i wrote this. Its not great but i wanted to post so i feel less useless

His heels sunk into the cool damp sand, eyes squinting against the harsh winds

This beach was brutal. As brutal as the crashing waves not 50 metres in front of him, chopping into each other and creating huge bundles of white water in their wake. Jihoon liked it. It was peaceful, to him; the ferocious winds flattening his clothes to his side, picking up the tiny grains of sand and sending them like bullets into his ankles. Because for once what he felt and what the outside world reflected were in perfect harmony.

He moved closer to the waters edge.

What would it be like, he thought, to swim out as far as he could, until his limbs gave up trying. He didnt think it would take long.

Or perhaps if he just went out far enough that there was no way hed make it back…

He never had learnt to swim very well.

Perhaps a current would take him before he himself had the chance to finish the job.

Jihoon found something distinctly poetic about getting lost to the sea. As if all those people you read about never being found end up existing in some fantastical otherness rather than the more likely food for whatever creature finds the body first.

The waves lapped at his toes, an ice wall that he could barely feel. He took a step deeper, the water instantly numbing up to his ankles.

The winds whipped his hair around his face, echoing in a language only mother nature knew. Jihoon closed his eyes, imagining those winds whispering to him, telling him it was okay. Okay to go.

They called his name in soft murmurs, and then shouts and Jihoon barely registered the hand wrapping around his elbow.

"Jihoon." It wasnt the wind, "its freezing out here, Jihoon, step out of the water" it was _him_

Jihoon stepped back, meeting patient eyes that hid a tinge of fear and desperation.

"Soonyoung." He breathed, voice thick like he hadnt spoken in a decade.

Soonyoung smiled as well as he could, lips pursed in a way that Jihoon knew threatened tears. He wrapped a large coat around Jihoon's shoulders, his right arm following securely adound his waist. "Lets go home, theres a new episode of that drama out you like, ill make us popcorn."

Soonyoung was on his phone a moment later using his free hand, and with his hushed _"I have him, hes safe"_  Jihoon felt the first wave of guilt.

He'd slipped again.

 

 ---

 

Soonyoung held him in the entrance of their vacation home when they returned. Jihoon cried 'til it was hard to breathe.

Soonyoung stripped him of his coat and sand-riddled clothes, washing his skin in a warm shower with gentle hands. He told Jihoon over and over how much he was loved.

They didnt watch the drama. Jihoon pulled soonyoung beneath the covers of their bed, clinging to him so close they couldnt tell where one ended and the other began.

"Im sorry," he said finally.

Soonyoung held him tighter

 

Jihoon was not okay. He didnt believe he ever would be.

But for Soonyoung, he would try to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all have someone or something to be okay for


End file.
